Straight question - Is a woman a better half or insignificant fraction?
There are ample examples given of newly appointed bank CEO's and PM's and top bureaucrat from the female gender. There are really impressive reporters and news anchors from fairer category. And even there are woman bus conductors and taxi drivers. This is really admirable and we feel great about the achievements of these women. But does this mean due justice to the gender? Does such a woman actually get entitled to the same privileges and supremacy in her non-professional walk of the life? Does such a woman get an equal position as a male counterpart in the normal life?
We believe that such examples are thrown by male hypocrites to just show off their dummy respect to the female gender. It does no good to the next woman in his life - his wife or daughter or mother. So, if we keep such highly honourable cases aside and look at the simple women - just the ones in our own life, this discussion would be more objective and actionable than a pep talk and lip service. As per the study conducted by us in 1992 in which the working women in the families were probed for their participation in economic decision making at home, most of them asserted that such decisions were always taken by husband despite the earning level. And we won't be surprised to get a similar response from working women of today - may be little sugar-coated.
Take any common average family - of any religion, caste, sect, urban, rural, tribal, educated, non educated, both working, single working. In short, take your own family. And ask this question silently to self - is the woman a better half? Or, simply, is the woman an 'equal' half? What is her primary role in the house? What are her responsibilities? What is the reward that she gets? Does she get any appreciation at all? Does she get sufficient emotional support? Does she feel free to express herself about domestic affairs? Is she involved in the financial matters and decisions? Is she actually, by title, owner of half the wealth? Does she have a say in spending and expenses of her own choice? Does she have right to question the purchasing decisions of the man? Does she feel normal to ask for a glass of water from a man in the house after coming from outside?
There are so many dipstick questions one might ask self to gauge the status of woman in one's own house. We are sorry to say that if answered honestly, more than half of the questions would get negative answer. And we think that there is a lot of progress in gender equality!
When we come home, we seek a glass of water from wife, mother, daughter in that order. But never think of son or father to fetch it for you. When you think someone to help your wife in kitchen, you summon your daughter by default and not the son. When we have to write name of the nominee in insurance or bank deposit, we think of our son, not the daughter. When we fill the form to book the train ticket, we first put father's name and not mother's. Even when we think of financial future of the family, we talk of our son's career, not of daughter's. That is true for all MEN. But the pity is, that is also true of all WOMEN! Even think exactly the same. Of asking the daughter to help in kitchen and not son. Of worrying about father's health utmost, not mother's to that extent. Of getting a glass of water from daughter, not son! Is it so deep in our genes that women are destined to provide the services and men are privileged to receive all the services?
The reality is that the first phase of gender equality is to make the woman independent of man in normal life by means of education, job, profession, earning, self pride etc. That phase is unfortunately being extended forever - conveniently by men and innocently by women. The second phase of gender equality is for women to ascertain their equal position and rights and men accepting this change by heart. If this has happened at micro or macro level, that would be real gender equality.
Hello, any news of that?
So, what can we do for this? No big-talk of "empowerment". A resolve to initiate some action at home, in the neighbourhood, in relations. Fully prepared to receive criticism from apathetic society around us.
"I will ask my wife what is her expectation from me regarding the domestic chores."
"I will give my daughter the same freedom as I grant to my son."
"I will check on my mother about her health as compassionately as I do for my father."
"I will treat my sister equally as I do with my brother-in-law."
"I will tag half of my savings to my wife and seek her choice how to invest or dispose it."
There are so many possible resolutions, just choose one and take it to the heart. Now, you would say, how to know "by heart"? Well, let your subject female in the resolve confirm it by your actions.
And what is the recipe for a woman? Just tell nicely that after every meal your husband and/or son is going to clean up. So, either pre-meal or post-meal work is the responsibility of male. Just cut a deal with husband so that he takes care of all school interactions like dropping off/picking up, PTA meetings, progress reports, medical checkup, fees, picnic, annual day while she handles the studies, meals, health problems etc.
There are ample examples given of newly appointed bank CEO's and PM's and top bureaucrat from the female gender. There are really impressive reporters and news anchors from fairer category. And even there are woman bus conductors and taxi drivers. This is really admirable and we feel great about the achievements of these women. But does this mean due justice to the gender? Does such a woman actually get entitled to the same privileges and supremacy in her non-professional walk of the life? Does such a woman get an equal position as a male counterpart in the normal life?
We believe that such examples are thrown by male hypocrites to just show off their dummy respect to the female gender. It does no good to the next woman in his life - his wife or daughter or mother. So, if we keep such highly honourable cases aside and look at the simple women - just the ones in our own life, this discussion would be more objective and actionable than a pep talk and lip service. As per the study conducted by us in 1992 in which the working women in the families were probed for their participation in economic decision making at home, most of them asserted that such decisions were always taken by husband despite the earning level. And we won't be surprised to get a similar response from working women of today - may be little sugar-coated.
Take any common average family - of any religion, caste, sect, urban, rural, tribal, educated, non educated, both working, single working. In short, take your own family. And ask this question silently to self - is the woman a better half? Or, simply, is the woman an 'equal' half? What is her primary role in the house? What are her responsibilities? What is the reward that she gets? Does she get any appreciation at all? Does she get sufficient emotional support? Does she feel free to express herself about domestic affairs? Is she involved in the financial matters and decisions? Is she actually, by title, owner of half the wealth? Does she have a say in spending and expenses of her own choice? Does she have right to question the purchasing decisions of the man? Does she feel normal to ask for a glass of water from a man in the house after coming from outside?
There are so many dipstick questions one might ask self to gauge the status of woman in one's own house. We are sorry to say that if answered honestly, more than half of the questions would get negative answer. And we think that there is a lot of progress in gender equality!
When we come home, we seek a glass of water from wife, mother, daughter in that order. But never think of son or father to fetch it for you. When you think someone to help your wife in kitchen, you summon your daughter by default and not the son. When we have to write name of the nominee in insurance or bank deposit, we think of our son, not the daughter. When we fill the form to book the train ticket, we first put father's name and not mother's. Even when we think of financial future of the family, we talk of our son's career, not of daughter's. That is true for all MEN. But the pity is, that is also true of all WOMEN! Even think exactly the same. Of asking the daughter to help in kitchen and not son. Of worrying about father's health utmost, not mother's to that extent. Of getting a glass of water from daughter, not son! Is it so deep in our genes that women are destined to provide the services and men are privileged to receive all the services?
The reality is that the first phase of gender equality is to make the woman independent of man in normal life by means of education, job, profession, earning, self pride etc. That phase is unfortunately being extended forever - conveniently by men and innocently by women. The second phase of gender equality is for women to ascertain their equal position and rights and men accepting this change by heart. If this has happened at micro or macro level, that would be real gender equality.
Hello, any news of that?
So, what can we do for this? No big-talk of "empowerment". A resolve to initiate some action at home, in the neighbourhood, in relations. Fully prepared to receive criticism from apathetic society around us.
"I will ask my wife what is her expectation from me regarding the domestic chores."
"I will give my daughter the same freedom as I grant to my son."
"I will check on my mother about her health as compassionately as I do for my father."
"I will treat my sister equally as I do with my brother-in-law."
"I will tag half of my savings to my wife and seek her choice how to invest or dispose it."
There are so many possible resolutions, just choose one and take it to the heart. Now, you would say, how to know "by heart"? Well, let your subject female in the resolve confirm it by your actions.
And what is the recipe for a woman? Just tell nicely that after every meal your husband and/or son is going to clean up. So, either pre-meal or post-meal work is the responsibility of male. Just cut a deal with husband so that he takes care of all school interactions like dropping off/picking up, PTA meetings, progress reports, medical checkup, fees, picnic, annual day while she handles the studies, meals, health problems etc.
